Sorry, kids… I find these to be over-hyped, over-worn, and just plain over.

Youth-Dew by Estee Lauder (1953): Youth-Dew has a scent profile that I should like, but oy. It’s impossible to not think of big-bosomed old women wearing it. Pass the clip-on earrings.

Love’s Baby Soft (1974): As if the name wasn’t creepy enough, the 1970s and 1980s commercials were atrocious. Pedophiles, gather round: this girl smells like a baby’s bottom.

Passion by Elizabeth Taylor (1988): I’m not sure if I hate this because it epitomizes the big, blousy scents of the 1980s or because it was the first of an onslaught of celebrity scents, but either way, I’m not gunning to stink of 8 divorces.

CK One (1994): Oh, Calvin, how clever you were: create a completely androgynous scent and feature a young Kate Moss and her hip bones. If you were alive at all in the 1990s, you were assaulted by CK One.

Gucci Rush (1999): I have to admit that I’m surprised at the vehemence with which I despise this perfume. Because, you see, I have a dirty secret: when it was released, I loved it. Loved. I’d sneak into perfume shops to get samples spritzed daily. Then, I bought a bottle, and after about a week, it occurred to me that Rush smelled like dirty panties steeped in vanilla. I still haven’t recovered from that revelation.


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